WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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