I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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