i can't believe i had my finger in that
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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