it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
