so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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