god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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