I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
