he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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