Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
