That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
