Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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