I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is my gift to your gina
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
