i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
MIDGETS
????
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
