You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
