I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
