some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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