I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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