is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
