my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize