for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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