Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize