why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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