sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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