Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
