Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
