Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
vagina is talking i cant
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want to make out with him forever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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