Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
