Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The power of my boobs compel you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
