just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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