No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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