I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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