Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
