Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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