remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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