you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
