so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
