Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
