The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
