It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
