I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize