Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
