just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
