Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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