I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
