i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
