What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
