Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
