dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
