Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
