can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
