I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
