no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
