in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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