So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
