i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
