I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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