the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize