Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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