I met the friendliest cop last night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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