I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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