Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
