I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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