I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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