I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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