TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
