So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
