Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
