dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
