we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
